pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize