Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
