I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
