dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
