Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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