no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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