you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
