What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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