Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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