Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
