My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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