So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
