why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
