you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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