He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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