there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
