I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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