just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
