My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
