He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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