Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
