Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
