I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
