we're blogging at a bar
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
