all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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