You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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