Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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