I am puke
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
