No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
