His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
