It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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