I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
