she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
