I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
