I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
