i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
