Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
