sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
