I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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