Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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