Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
