Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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