His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I wear drunk well.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
