I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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