I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
