is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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