You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize