We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just high enough for therapy.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
