when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
