Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i will never coherently bang her
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
