She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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