My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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