this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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