Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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