i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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