I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
