I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
