ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
even my farts smell like vagina
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
