Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
