Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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