My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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