i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
