I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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