i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
