remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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