if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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