Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
