she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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