it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
